Not So Professional
Sorry, dear reader(s), for the absence. I haven't had much to say, and it's been kind of a humorless week (and I was always taught, if you can't say something funny, don't say anything at all.)
So, I still don't have much to tell you. But thought maybe I'd share an excerpt from the Smallish State Board Of Medicine newsletter, which came in the mail today. These are remarks made by Smallish State docs which precipitated complaints to the Board. (Please keep in mind, some of the persons making the complaints may not be sane.)
- "Come back when you have a real problem." (How many times have I been tempted to say this?)
- "So you could be called Mick Spick?" (Presumably to a Hispanic person named Micheal?)
- "You have Medicare? Then I've already paid for your baby." (Nice)
- "You are just S.O.L. then."
- "You have Beautiful Eyes" (I don't know why the capital B and E)
- "Perhaps your child needs a vibrator." (Hard to know-- maybe it made sense in context?)
- "I could prescribe something that would kill you." (Allegedly, this statement was made to a child. Of course, this is a factual statement, and you should never lie to a patient. So if the kid asked, well...)
- "Sounds like you have CRS Syndrome" (No idea what that means-- anyone?)
- "Wham, bam, thank you ma'am" (Reportedly a description of a pelvic exam. Not so cool.)
- "I'm going to hire someone to have you shot." (Okay, now this sounds like a complaint from Green Acres...)
- "Autism is like 'scrambled brains' " (I thought that was "your brain on drugs"? I wish they would get this straight.)
- "I got my degree from a matchbook cover." (Again, a perennial G.A. accusation.)
- "Do you need to go to Big Psychiatric Hospital?" (This might have been quite appropriate, depending.)
So, I still don't have much to tell you. But thought maybe I'd share an excerpt from the Smallish State Board Of Medicine newsletter, which came in the mail today. These are remarks made by Smallish State docs which precipitated complaints to the Board. (Please keep in mind, some of the persons making the complaints may not be sane.)
- "Come back when you have a real problem." (How many times have I been tempted to say this?)
- "So you could be called Mick Spick?" (Presumably to a Hispanic person named Micheal?)
- "You have Medicare? Then I've already paid for your baby." (Nice)
- "You are just S.O.L. then."
- "You have Beautiful Eyes" (I don't know why the capital B and E)
- "Perhaps your child needs a vibrator." (Hard to know-- maybe it made sense in context?)
- "I could prescribe something that would kill you." (Allegedly, this statement was made to a child. Of course, this is a factual statement, and you should never lie to a patient. So if the kid asked, well...)
- "Sounds like you have CRS Syndrome" (No idea what that means-- anyone?)
- "Wham, bam, thank you ma'am" (Reportedly a description of a pelvic exam. Not so cool.)
- "I'm going to hire someone to have you shot." (Okay, now this sounds like a complaint from Green Acres...)
- "Autism is like 'scrambled brains' " (I thought that was "your brain on drugs"? I wish they would get this straight.)
- "I got my degree from a matchbook cover." (Again, a perennial G.A. accusation.)
- "Do you need to go to Big Psychiatric Hospital?" (This might have been quite appropriate, depending.)
posted by Turbo at 3:33 PM
7 Comments:
I know someone who told off his middle grades for referring to drug users as "junkies" and alcoholics as "jakeys" (the common West of Scotland term) because it was perjorative, but then got complained about by the Fire Brigade for referring to a patient as a "beached whale". His middle grade and I both thought that was worse, but then he is a skelf and we are not.
Word verification is cmzmuab
CRS Syndrome:
my favorites:
#4-Chinese Restaurant Syndrome
#3-Cathode Ray Syndrome (opposite of ARS: Anode Roy Syndrome??)
#2-Can't Remember Shit Syndrome
...and the #1 favorite is:
*** Cranial-Rectal Syndrome ***
(think about it...?Bush)
Roy, I'm also partial to:
'Can't Remember Stuff (polite form)'
I wonder if I could use this Syndrome to gain a day off work...:P
ps(Locum, what's a skelf?)
Oops. A skelf is wee splinter of wood that gets stuck in your hand. Or somebody who's as thin as one.
Katinka (or, Kanathinka): I guess you could then file for disability.
Dr. Turbo,
You should know by now that funny is in the eye of the beholder. (Or as an old housemate's Israeli mother used to say [insert accent here], "If I could not laugh, I would cry.")
I hope all is well.
('Skelf' now added to my vocabulary :P)
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