Friday, March 24, 2006

How To Open A Bottle Of Beer Without A Bottle Opener, Part II

Many excellent responses to yesterday's post on this topic-- thank you all. In fact, the method suggested by Will was the one I used last night. It works astoundingly well. Detailed description:

1) Find a solid (preferably metal) surface with a well defined edge. Last night I used the air conditioner.
2) Holding the bottle just a few degrees off of vertical, hook the edge of the cap over the edge of the surface.
3) With the palm of your other hand, deliver a sharp downwards blow to the top of the bottle.

That's it.

But I'm not satisfied yet. What I really want-- the Holy Grail of bottle cap removal-- is a method to remove caps using only my bare hands. Way I figure it, if you can do this you'll never have to pay for another beer again. In any bar, all you need to do is demonstrate the technique (on someone else's beer), then offer to continue demonstrating it so long as people keep buying you beer.

I am offering a reward of four cases of beer of your choice, shipped (if allowed by law) to your destination, for anyone who can advise me of such a technique. Feel free to post it here, or email me privately if you don't want the whole world to know.


1) Must use only the bare hands.
2) With practice, must be at least 80% reliable
3) May require special training (for strength or technique) but must not require inborn capabilities beyond those of the average 37 year old man. Not that I'm admitting to being "average".

P.S. Although I would consider this a second-rate entry, if no one come up with a "legitimate" technique I would consider awarding the prize to a phony, "sleight-of-hand technique". Such an entry, however, must be extremely stealthy, as I do not wish to risk a bar fight from being discovered as a "cheater".


Blogger Will said...

Cool. Did I win a prize?

3/24/06, 10:35 AM  
Anonymous Ted said...

I'm a friend of SofE's and followed the link on Stay to here. the beer bottle dilema has plagued me too. I was watching Flavor Flav on VH1 the other night and realized that if you had gold or metal teeth, you could open a beer bottle with your gold teeth. But that would probably violate the no tools rule.

I can open a beer bottle with the key to the elevator in my office buuilding. that's why I stay in my job - because the key to the elevator in my building can be used to open a beer.

tell her that's why Ted says he keeps his job - SofE is always trying to talk me into quitting.

3/24/06, 10:43 AM  
Anonymous Adrift At Sea said...

A friend of mine has a technique that involves his belt buckle... I'll see if I can get details, as he says it doesn't require a specific belt buckle, but any metal belt buckle will do.

I don't know if this would work for you, as the friend in question has a rather large and rotund physique, and his technique may depend on his size.

3/24/06, 12:26 PM  
Blogger Litoralis said...

The use of the edge of something to open a bottle is probably one of the more well known ways (plus I assumed that the edge counted as a tool). I was trying to come up with something similar to Ms. Runner's method.
If we are allowing non-conventional "tools" then I have a number of interesting and uncommon ways to open beer bottles:
- the drawer handles of metal desks (like those found in my old college fraternity house) work very well
- a strong ring (such as the MIT Brass Rat) can be used to open beer using the ring to hook onto the cap and then using the finger as a lever
- the cap can be removed with a barbecue spatula by swinging the spatula so that the metal spatula head contacts the underside of the cap at a slight angle

3/24/06, 1:50 PM  
Anonymous ike said...

Does this count?

3/24/06, 7:32 PM  
Blogger Turboglacier said...

Litoralis-- So you're telling me that one way to open a bottle without a bottle opener is to attend MIT and get a ring? That sounds sort of involved.

iKe-- Nice try, but smashing the tops off the bottles isn't what I had in mind. I just want to remove the cap, leaving the bottle (and hands) intact.

3/24/06, 10:49 PM  
Blogger pjm said...

Here I was about to post the ring method, and it's already here... I was wondering, though, if the ring counts as a tool.

Another method I've seen is to leave the beer on the fender of Mr. Miyagi's pickup. Might be difficult to drink from the bottle, though.

3/26/06, 4:13 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

If you have two bottles of beer and do not mind a bit of spillage (although this is against my religious beliefs) you can hook the cap of one underneath the other and with a deft movement or two pry one off. It would make an interesting bet to wager which one will free first.

3/27/06, 7:18 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

It seems I have violated the no tools rule by using one bottle to open the other by the one bottle prying the other idea but it might be of use in a pinch and could be safer if unfortunately messier.

3/27/06, 7:35 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Nice post you got here. It would be great to read more about that topic.
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11/25/09, 10:39 AM  
Blogger Sam Ritchie said...

Twist off caps. Boom.

2/25/10, 9:43 PM  

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