Conspiracy Theory
I lied. I actually put that hole in the ceiling on purpose. I was getting fearful, and I needed to know what was up there in that little space under the roof.
You may not want to know about this, but there is strong circumstantial evidence that a popular fiberglass insulation product and a popular artificial sweetener product are, in fact, the same chemical substance. Considering the further obvious links to cold-war era French police debacles, I trust you will come to the same disturbing conclusions I have. If these products are in your home, you are probably being watched.
Luckily, yesterday's ceiling investigation showed that my house has absolutely no sign of insulation, of any color. Disturbingly, however, I find that one of my housemates has purchased an enormous box of popular artificial sweetener product-- to the tune of 3.5 lbs. 1,500 servings. 1,500 seperate packets of infiltrative disturbance. Think I'm getting far-fetched? Think again: Webster's third definition of "packet" is: "a short fixed-length section of data that is transmitted as a unit in an electronic communications network."
And as if all that wasn't enough, just this morning I started to see certain panther-like features in 9. True, he is not the right color-- but that means nothing in this day of elaborate cosmetic surgeries. I will be watching him closely for evidence of suspicious behavior. You should do the same at your house.
You may not want to know about this, but there is strong circumstantial evidence that a popular fiberglass insulation product and a popular artificial sweetener product are, in fact, the same chemical substance. Considering the further obvious links to cold-war era French police debacles, I trust you will come to the same disturbing conclusions I have. If these products are in your home, you are probably being watched.
Luckily, yesterday's ceiling investigation showed that my house has absolutely no sign of insulation, of any color. Disturbingly, however, I find that one of my housemates has purchased an enormous box of popular artificial sweetener product-- to the tune of 3.5 lbs. 1,500 servings. 1,500 seperate packets of infiltrative disturbance. Think I'm getting far-fetched? Think again: Webster's third definition of "packet" is: "a short fixed-length section of data that is transmitted as a unit in an electronic communications network."
And as if all that wasn't enough, just this morning I started to see certain panther-like features in 9. True, he is not the right color-- but that means nothing in this day of elaborate cosmetic surgeries. I will be watching him closely for evidence of suspicious behavior. You should do the same at your house.
posted by Turbo at 9:08 AM
4 Comments:
While I wouldn't be surprised to see a cockroach turn to a crocodile if sufficient quantities of artificial sweetener are consumed... your panther also has an amazing ability to grow tender annuals in a Maine March. Given the crappy weather around here, I'm going to go buy some obnoxious chemicals and injecting them into my bloodstream. I'll be back when I have ripe tomatoes.
Remarkably observant, J. Yes, I admit to using a "file photo" of 9. It looked more panther-like than anything he was doing this particular morning.
9 is very handsome, especially for a panther.
I'm not sure about your conspiracy theory but this looks suspiciously like the beginnings of a 'cat blog'...*mis. grn*
Cat blogging is contagious. You have been warned.
Post a Comment
<< Home