Thursday, March 23, 2006

How To Open A Beer Bottle Without A Bottle Opener

Remember in the good old days, when you could fly on planes with your swiss army knife, so you'd always have a bottle opener with you on your travels? Well, in my role as Double Assistant Coach, I was just required to open a bottle of Carona for SofE without the benefit of such an implement.

I succeeded handily in opening the bottle using NO TOOLS AT ALL (nor teeth). The method I learned is astonishingly simple and effective. I wonder-- are there other such methods? I have a prize waiting for any reader who can suggest a reliable approach. Rules: no use of Google. No fire may be involved. Do not drink more than six beers in a two-hour period while researching your answer.


Blogger Litoralis said...

Since you and SofE are likely sitting in her little powerboat while trying to open this beer I would guess that the handle opening on the back of a small outboard motor would work quite well.

3/23/06, 6:31 PM  
Blogger Ms. Runner said...

Provided that you have two bottles of beer (one for yourself and one for your friend) you can latch them together and use the leverage to pop off both caps at the same time. Indeed, it was this very trick that made me swoon for my soon-to-be husband the first time I saw it performed.

3/23/06, 8:14 PM  
Blogger Turboglacier said...

Ms. Runner- That is VERY impressive. You are definitely in the running for the prize, but only if you can describe the technique in a bit more detail (preferably emailing a photo). And, is it possible to do this stunt without spilling any beer? I can't visualize how that could be done.

Your husband is a very talented man, and, obviously, knows how to attract the right kind of woman.

3/23/06, 8:24 PM  
Anonymous Adrift At Sea said...

I use a nice little Wichard shackle key that I was given as a keyring fob. It passes airport security since it doesn't have any sharp edges, and has a church key built-in.

3/23/06, 8:40 PM  
Blogger Turboglacier said...

Hmm, well, AatSea, you get points for suggesting how to open the bottle with an object other than a bottle opener, and bonus points for it being a sailing-related object, but officially we are looking for methods which use no tools at all.

Also, for all those who have been assuming that the above-described beer drinking took place on the coach's powerboat: while not technically illegal to drink beer on your powerboat in the middle of a weekday while coaching under-age college sailors, it is generally considered to be poor form. Imagine instead that it's happening in a crummy motel room.

3/23/06, 10:34 PM  
Anonymous Johanna said...

I want clarification of the rules: would, for instance, the bar thingy that often replaces the security chain count as a tool? Or, in the case of a chain, the part where the chain hooks in? cause that last one, it just worked for me. The internet has driven me to drink.

3/23/06, 10:49 PM  
Anonymous Adrift At Sea said...

In that case, I'd like to see more details on the two bottle method of bottle opening.

BTW, the motel room I'm in at the moment has a bottle opener mounted on the wall by the sink.

3/23/06, 11:19 PM  
Anonymous Norm said...

The thingie in the door jamb that the tongue part goes into (excuse the inept nomenclature) works great, and if you hold the bottle just right and bring it upright immediately, you don't lost any beer, but this may still constitute using a "tool" of sorts. I've read you can do it with your fingers but I don't know the trick myself.

3/24/06, 8:56 AM  
Blogger Will said...

Assuming you are not in close proximity to rock solid abs, place an edge of the bottle top on the side of the table. Hit it with the palm of your hand.

3/24/06, 9:06 AM  
Anonymous hilllady said...

twist off.

3/24/06, 9:10 AM  
Blogger Turboglacier said...

Hilllady has a sense of humor, but clearly does not understand the high-quality beer preferences of SofE. My first "rookie mistake" as Double Assistant Coach was opening a Miller High-Life for her. She looked at it in disdain, handed it to the Assistant Coach, and demanded a Carona.

3/24/06, 9:35 AM  
Anonymous Adrift At Sea said...

Found another nifty item that might be good for your dilemma. Take a look at this.

4/3/06, 9:43 PM  

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