Saturday, March 15, 2008

Quand Vous Etes En Colere Et Vous N'allez Plus Accepte Ca

Sometimes you say to yourself about a situation, "I just can't tolerate this any longer." But then a week (or a day, or a minute) later you find that, in fact, you did tolerate it longer. Then you are forced to say to yourself, "I was wrong. I was able to tolerate it longer." Which implies that you might be able to tolerate it still further into the future. Which, when you realize it, is a sort of strength.

But the question always remains: Should you tolerate it, just because you can?


Blogger girl MD said...

tolerating a situation that you find intolerable is not necessarily a strength as much as it is masochism.

or maybe it's just numbness admixed with the requisite amount of inertia.

just a thought.

3/15/08, 3:20 PM  
Blogger NeoNurseChic said...

Should you tolerate it? What if the only alternative to tolerating it is death? Or I suppose perhaps there's another alternative. Learn to change it, even if that change might be incredibly painful, often frustrating, but ultimately makes your life a million times better. I think that's what I'm working on in therapy. Most of the time, when things become intolerable, I think I'd rather just die instead. But what we're working on is how to change my life so that the intolerable things are fewer - not so that I learn to tolerate intolerable things (because that just keeps me miserable, but alive), but rather that the things that are intolerable (many of which I bring on myself by my own habits, that I often believe are working for me, but really are working against me) will truly lessen if I change some things. That sentence makes no sense...but whatever.

I have built so many creative places in my head to go when things are intolerable, but that still doesn't solve the problem. I'm really hoping that someday I won't be just tolerating my life, but actually enjoying it. :)

Take care,
Carrie :)

3/23/08, 9:21 PM  
Blogger NeoNurseChic said...

I've been thinking about this post quite a lot. At first, I was thinking more about interactions or even coping mechanisms that actually make things more intolerable in the long run. But then I got to thinking personally about my health, and the constant chronic pain I have, which often becomes intolerable, but no matter how hard I work to change it, may never change. So the answer to that question of should I tolerate it is a definite yes when all is said and done and there is nothing that takes it away, since the alternative to tolerating it is most certainly death itself. (However, I haven't settled yet, and am having surgery next month to hopefully move towards taking that pain down to a more tolerable level.) Right now, the pain is more tolerable because of the treatment I'm on, but I cannot stay on this forever, and hopefully if the surgery works, I can get off the medication and return to a bit more regular life.

I went to an appointment with the neuro nurse practitioner this morning, and she is absolutely wonderful. I went in with a good mood, but we got to talking about something that made me cry, as we were talking about the state of my apartment and my inability to take care of my own life even half as well as I take care of others. (And by others, I mean babies at work. I take pride in how well I care for them, but my homelife is a sad state of affairs.) We talked about a good number of things, but one of the things she said was that it's hard not to have an outlet for the frustration because I am too tired or in too much pain to go running or work out at the gym or whatever. I said lately even playing the piano has lost its lustre as I generally feel too exhausted to sit down and play. I did just now actually take about an hour to sit and play, and I really do feel a lot better for a change. I guess what she and I were talking about were ways to make the intolerable yet mostly unchangeable, more tolerable.

So after reading and thinking about your post for some time, I am left wondering what you are referring to. Is it something in your own life that you have tolerated for some time and are thinking about changing as you wonder why you have tolerated it for so long? Or is this an interaction with a patient that made you write the post?

Either way, I think it's beautifully written.

Take care,
Carrie :)

3/25/08, 3:08 PM  
Blogger Dragonfly said...

Sometimes it can become easier to tolerate as time goes on....once you had met further things that are harder to deal with....

4/9/08, 2:03 AM  

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