Laws Of Nature

Turbo's Law Of Psychiatric Appointment Keeping Probability (loosely translated from the original Danish):

"The more urgent is a person's expressed need for an initial psychiatric appointment, and the more accommodating the psychiatrist is in arranging said initial appointment as soon as possible, the less likely the person is to show up for the appointment."

Corollary:

"If the person calling to arrange the appointment is not the patient for whom the appointment is made, the probability of the patient showing up for the appointment approaches zero asymptotically."

Corollary:

"If the person calling to arrange the appointment uses any phrases such as 'I need', 'You need to', 'We need to', 'You can', 'Tell you what', or 'Couldn't you', the chance of the person showing up for the appointment approaches zero asymptotically."