Great Vodka Taste-Off

I’ve been converted, over the past couple years, to vodka tonics (from gin). I’ve been wondering how much difference there really is between cheap vodka and expensive, fancy-shape-bottle vodka. So I procured a bottle of Kettle One (roughly $1.20/oz) and a bottle of Fleischman’s “Royal” Vodka (28¢/oz). The other night when Co-Chief and P.O.I. were over, we had a taste-off. Co-Chief is a known martini drinker, so I was particularly interested in his opinion.

I distracted the participants by telling them that we had three brands of vodka in the house—pricey, cheap, and middle-of-the-road—and presented them with three numbered glasses containing an ounce or so of vodka. In actuality, however, one glass contained Kettle One, and the other two contained Fleischman’s.

P.O.I. tasted each and wrote down her rank order. Co-Chief took longer, focusing on the “nose” and after-effects of each sample. I closed my eyes and sipped from each, with P.O.I. recording my rankings (since I knew there were only two vodkas, I tried hard to make my list consistent with the fact.)

Here, then, are the results.

Co-Chief:

Best: Fleischman’s
Middle: Fleischman’s
Worst: Kettle One

P.O.I.:

Best: Fleischman’s
Middle: Kettle One
Worst: Fleischman’s

Turboglacier

Best: Fleischman’s
Middle: Kettle One
Worst: Fleischman’s

Discussion: It seems impossible to pick out expensive vodka from cheap vodka.
Implication: I will save a lot of money over my lifetime.
Confession: I’ll probably decant the Fleischman’s into a Grey Goose bottle so guests will feel pampered by the label.