Thursday, December 28, 2006

Deforesting Green Acres

Patients admitted to Green Acres arrive under one of three legal situations: Voluntary, Emergency Involuntary, or Court Committed. The distribution is roughly equivalent between the categories.

As part of my admission (tree-killing) process, I have to fill in a form where I check off the legal status of the new patient. The only check-off options on the form are Voluntary and Emergency Involuntary. So for five years, each time I received a Court Committed patient, I have been drawing my own check-off box, writing in “Court Committed”, and checking the box. I brought it up once or twice, but no one cared. Such problems are small potatoes in the ever-simmering rancid stew of absurdity that is Green Acres.

But last week, one of the Ladies Who Are In Charge Of Checking Things brought one of these completed forms back to me, saying “You can’t just write extra things in on these forms!” I protested that with three possible realities, but only two check boxes, there was no other option. She said, “Well, I will bring it up in Inefficient And Preposterous Committee next time we meet, but in the meantime, you will just have to choose the best option from what’s there.”

Not liking to lie on paperwork over my signature, I continued doing what I’ve always done. Today the person found me again. She reported, “I brought up your new idea for the form in I&P Committee! They really liked it! They thought it made sense. I think they’re going to change the form!”

The tone of voice, and body language, implied that I should be about as excited by this as by, say, having my proposed design for a permanent lunar base selected by NASA. I am trying to hold back my joy. But I had to share it with you.

4 Comments:

Blogger Katinka said...

YAYYYYY!!! :) Score one for Common Sense & Reason!

12/28/06, 5:47 PM  
Blogger ClinkShrink said...

Love the story! Only in a public bureaucracy.

I once sat in a meeting where a state official ranted for 30 minutes---I timed it---because someone modified a form to add two digits of information without going through the official state form approval process. I wanted to shoot myself.

12/28/06, 7:08 PM  
Blogger SEAMONKEY said...

Sounds like some futuristic dystopia.

12/29/06, 11:06 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

...lunar base....
Now I am laughing to tears.....and I haven't even looked at Dilbert yet this morning. You are so much better.
Pop

3/2/07, 10:51 AM  

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