Christmas List

I dreamed last night that Babar and Father Christmas visted me, and said I could pick seven Christmas songs to banish for all time (as well as pick seven to protect against all enemies foreign and domestic [that was actually the phrase they used-- odd, huh?]) So, I gave it a little thought. Here's my list:

Songs to Banish:

1) Little Drummer Boy (dumb dumb dumb dumb-dumb dumb!)
2) Adam Sandler’s “Hanukkah Song” (yeah, it was funny the first time, the first year. Now, not so much, even for Jews.)
3) “Deck the Halls” (always just reminds me of fala[la]fel)
4) Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer (One more time and I’m getting my gun…)
5) Feliz Navidad (I suspect people are afraid of being un-PC if they speak out against this foreign-language song. But you must agree: it has to go.)
6) The 12 Days of Christmas (and all derivatives, including the MacKenzie Brothers’ version, and, especially, “12 Days of Deer Camp”)
7) “I Saw Three Ships” (Good for you. I’ve seen hundreds. Who gives a rat?)

Songs to Save:

1) Adeste Fideles (Aren’t “laeiti triumphantes” and “ragem angelorum” just spine-tingling phrases, even in Latin? Especially in Latin.)
2) Bruce Springsteen’s “Santa Claus is Coming to Town” (“All you people been good out there? That’s not many, not many…”)
3) The Waitresses “Christmas Wrapping” (If I had had to choose just one Xmas song to take to the desert island…)
4) Joy to the World
5) I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus (Envision: Santa at the Playboy Mansion. Now: write a song.)
6) Silent Night (but only if sung by professionals. Preferably, Johnny Cash.)
7) Angels We Have Heard on High (I guess I am a sucker for Latin, really.)