Be Funny Now

I have been urged to submit an entry into a particular humor-writing contest, with a deadline in three days. Now, it's easy to be funny in certain situations, such as medical staff meetings, because no one expects it and everyone is drunk. Much harder is when someone sober aims a firearm at you, hands you a pencil, and says, "They say you're a funny guy. Make me laugh, funny guy."

Not that this exact scenario has ever happened to me. Usually, the gunman wants oral or verbal humor, rather than written. That's the way gunmen tend to be-- looking for the impulsive, cheap laugh and not so much interested in the Mark Twain style humor. Often, sticking the pencil up a nostril suffices to defuse the situation, but if that doesn't work it's really a challenge.

But let's say, for the sake of argument, that I am going to lock myself in my condo-like mansion for the next three nights furiously penning a prize-worthy humor piece, but wish to expend the least effort possible. Which topic holds the most innate humor? Options:

1) The "skunks-as-pets" movement, which seems to be gaining momentum.
2) Fad toys of Christmas Past
3) Prizes that require no effort to win
4) My emerging sciatica (this is not a real suggestion-- I'm just looking for sympathy)
5) If a tree falls on a Blog in the forest, and it still has "0 comments", should the writer quit his day job?
6) Ex-Countries we don't miss (Part II)
7) Other suggestions?