Friday, October 27, 2006

Fade to Sargasso Sea

Yep. That's the plan. Bunch of strangers and a 50' boat (no, not my little boat-- she's out of the water for the winter.) Departing from Newport Monday, on the heels of the big storm currently roaring down on New England. 8 or 10 days at sea... then I'll be back.

Saturday, October 21, 2006

Label on the Green Acres patient popcorn machine: ""For better traffic-building aroma and up to 25% more sales, always use FLAVACOL (instead of salt.)"

I am not sure that a psychiatric hospital should be emitting "traffic-building aroma", but evidently we are, since FLAVACOL is applied to each batch of popcorn.

In a gustatorily related story, 9 had a battle with Enemy Cat last week and developed an ear abscess. The vet prescribed a bottle of amoxicillin liquid. The bottle reads "for veterinary use only. For use only in dogs and cats." But the liquid is banana-flavored. This isn't working well. 9 is not a monkey.

Thought Problem

Suppose someone has a serious mental illness, and as a direct result of his illness he kills someone. (If you don't believe this really happens, and can't take my word that it does, just try to suspend your disbelief.) He is judged by the legal system to have no responsibility for the crime, and is sent to a hospital for treatment. Eventually he returns, more or less, to sanity. Now-- should society, or the victim's family, expect or demand some sort of apology from him?

Tuesday, October 17, 2006

A Green Acres Interlude

Patient (following me down the hall): "Dr. Silverhair! Dr. Silverhair! Dr. Silverhair!" [Dr. Silverhair is this patient's psychiatrist, my colleague on the unit]

Dr. Turbo, turning around: "Say, you know I'm not Dr. Silverhair, right?"

Patient: "Yeah, I know. You're an asshole." Exit patient, stage left.

Monday, October 16, 2006

Just Like Me (A Green Acres Interlude)

Nurse (to new patient): "So, it sounds like you're pretty self-sufficient in doing your everyday activities?"

New patient: "Yes, except I do require a massage every night."

Thursday, October 05, 2006

Cost Of Living

You know the staff in your hospital are underpaid when you drive a base-model Subaru, and staff come up to you and say, “I wish I could afford a car like that.”

Also, you aren’t sure whether to point out that by quitting their pack-a-day smoking habit, they could buy a new Subaru every nine years. (Assumes Smallish State average of $5.58/pack, and $18,295 sticker price for an Impreza.)